Diners Club, Mail Order Brides, Human Trafficking

Here's the info on some positive action from Change.org.

"It's not every day that we get contacted by a billion-dollar corporation agreeing to change a business practice our members find ethically objectionable. But that's exactly what happened to Change.org this week.

It all started when our Human Trafficking blogger, Amanda Kloer, posted news that the credit card company Diners Club International had established a partnership with a Vietnamese mail-order brides company to jointly offer an official payment plan for buying women on credit. (No, sadly this was no joke.)

The post provoked an immediate reaction from the Change.org community, and nearly a thousand Change.org members sent emails to representatives of Diners Club demanding an end to the program due to its gross commodification of women and the vulnerability of mail-order brides to human trafficking, domestic violence, abuse, and exploitation."

Quaker Ceremonies: things to admire

We have incorporated several Quaker traditions in our ceremonies. The Humanist Society, which is our national Celebrant's organization, actually began as the Humanist Society of Friends, a Quaker offshoot, in 1930, so it's quite natural to use these roots.

A moment of silence, when the Groom and Bride simply sit quietly, and so do the guests, reaching their inner selves, is quite lovely. The role of the couple in speaking to each other simply and personally is admirable, and the simple Quaker vow, "I accept you into my heart as my husband/wife" is lovely.

Also, we sometimes incorporate the community signing of the marriage certificate, similar to a Jewish Ketubah. Here's an example:

"For members of the Society of Friends, also known as Quakers, the signing of the wedding certificate at the end of the traditional wedding ceremony denotes that the couple is officially married in the eyes of the community. It is hung afterwards in the couple’s home to serve as a reminder of the vows they made to each other and the people who were there to share in their wedding.
Amanda and David have chosen to have a wedding certificate today in honor of David’s Quaker upbringing.

They will now sign the certificate in confirmation of the vows they have just taken.
[David and Amanda sign the certificate.]

David and Amanda have asked that their parents be the first witnesses to sign their marriage certificate. [Their Parents sign].

They ask that all of you sign the certificate as well following the ceremony, as a lasting record of your presence here tonight and a token of your love and support.

Equal marriage: New Hampshire in the fold

CONCORD, N.H. — Gov. John Lynch said Thursday he will sign a bill to make his state the sixth to legalize gay marriage as soon as the Legislature makes some changes, which legislative leaders immediately said they would back.

Lynch asked that the already-approved legislation be revised to better protect churches and their employees against lawsuits if their beliefs preclude them from marrying gays. Gay marriage supporters said they do not object.

"Throughout history, our society's views of civil rights have constantly evolved and expanded," Lynch told reporters. "New Hampshire's great tradition has always been to come down on the side of individual liberties and protections."

Sweden recognizes gay marriage on May 1

From wikipedia
So -- the list grows: Belgium, Canada, Netherlands, Norway, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, US: CT, IA, MA, VT, and Recognized, not performed: Aruba (Dutch only), France, Israel, Netherlands Antilles (Dutch only), United States (NY, RI)

Legal Wedding Ceremony (Non-religious, secular, civil, barebones)

For hundreds (thousands) of years, marriage 'ceremonies' or ceremonial contracts were non-religious. They primarily involved contracts between families, and did not involve clergy or the law. An interesting exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art this year, Art and Love in Renaissance Italy depicts love and marriage in Renaissance Florence. Most of the events depicted are civil only - and many do not even involve a notary or judge, as such roles are modern civil servants. A marriage contract was signed (often by the fathers first) and then by the couple, and by the 18th century, drawn up by a lawyer, but the marriage itself was sealed when the couple shook hands, so the symbol of marriage was two clasped hands - the FIDES, which is also seen on the Irish Claddagh ring. (The picture shows a 15th Italian plate with the FIDES handclasp motif from the Met exhibit) Only the rich could afford a church or cathedral wedding - or pay to invite a priest come and offer prayers at the wedding feast, and it seems to have been totally optional.

The parts of a wedding that matter legally are thus the contractual parts - and if you are looking for a basis to form your LEGAL CEREMONY, independent of any religious bits, here are the basic parts, usually led by the Officiant:

* Who are each of you? (full names, known to those present). This avoids the blushing bride hidden under the veil who turns out to be someone else, and the proxy marriage, and all sorts of legal dupes.
* This is a legal wedding contract signing (not just a betrothal or a spiritual marriage or a sham marriage)
* Do those present recognize this couple? Are you willing to attest that they ARE who they ARE, and that you do not know any reason they should not be married? (This is one of the roles of the witnesses)
* To each: are you here of your own free will? Are you willing to marry this specific person?
* Vows: Speak to each other, and declare in front of us witnesses that you take the other person for your legal spouse.
* Rings - totally optional. Rings are modern substitute for a dowry, and used to be given only to the bride, as attestation that the husband would support her. Now they are seen as an outward symbol of the verbal vows.\
* Signing of contract/license
* Kiss (in some traditions, the kiss is the 'consummation', and the 'exchange of souls', but it is also a modern stand-in for the wedding night. Of course 'non-consummation' is still grounds for annulment in some places.
* The presentation of the couple. This is the 'village recognition' part - Miss Pepsi and Mr. Cola are now Mr and Mrs Pepsi-Cola, and we will all recognize that they are a legal couple (parents and previous lovers take note!) they live in that hut over there, and they are a unit. Hurrah. Let's eat.

If you want to have a legal ceremony, perhaps because you are having a spiritual ceremony at another time, you can follow the above steps, and do a little personalization. Here is a 'barebones' ceremony which includes these steps. Here is another discussion of steps for a 'legal' ceremony

And you might enjoy adding the FIDES, and a little Renaissance Poetry!

Be grateful you can marry

BBC
The Taleban in Afghanistan have publicly killed a young couple who they said had tried to run away to get married, officials say.

The man, 21, and woman, 19, were shot dead on Monday in front of a mosque in the south-western province of Nimroz. Governor Ghulam Dastageer Azad told the AFP news agency the killings followed a decree by local religious leaders and were an "insult to Islam".

Mr Azad said: "An unmarried young boy and an unmarried girl who loved each other and wanted to get married had eloped because their families would not approve the marriage." Officials said the couple were traced by militants after they tried to go to Iran. They were made to return to their village in Khash Rod district.

"Three Taleban mullahs brought them to the local mosque and they passed a fatwa (religious decree) that they must be killed. They were shot and killed in front of the mosque in public," the governor said.

Correspondents say that the killings took place in a remote and dangerous region, where the government has no access. The Taleban ruled Afghanistan from 1996 to 2001 and during that time implemented its austere interpretation of Islamic Sharia law, carrying out public killings and floggings.

Unmarried men and women were forbidden from talking or meeting in public and women were not allowed out of their homes without a male relative. Girls were discouraged from going to school. Extrajudicial "honour killings" have been widely carried out in Afghanistan since then by conservative families angered by a relative who has brought them shame - usually by refusing to marry a chosen partner.

Vermont passes Gay Marriage!

MONTPELIER — Vermont has become the fourth state to legalize gay marriage — and the first to do so with a legislature’s vote.

The Legislature voted Tuesday to override Gov. Jim Douglas’ veto of a bill allowing gays and lesbians to marry. The vote was 23-5 to override in the state Senate and 100-49 to override in the House. Under Vermont law, two-thirds of each chamber had to vote for override.

The vote came nine years after Vermont adopted its first-in-the-nation civil unions law. It’s now the fourth state to permit same-sex marriage. Massachusetts, Connecticut and Iowa are the others. Their approval of gay marriage came from the courts.

Iowa Supreme Court: Gay marriage legal!

My goodness! My Home state! Things are moving fast - so proud of Iowa today. Des Moines Register The Iowa Supreme Court this morning unanimously upheld gays’ right to marry.

“The Iowa statute limiting civil marriage to a union between a man and a woman violates the equal protection clause of the Iowa Constitution,” the justices said in a summary of their decision. The court rules that gay marriage would be legal in three weeks, starting April 24.

Sweden approves Same Sex Marriages

Stockholm - A broad majority in the Swedish parliament Wednesday approved adoption of same-sex marriage legislation after a six-hour debate. Six of the seven parties in parliament had backed the proposal drafted by the Committee on Civil Affairs to introduce a gender- neutral marriage law.

The new legislation is to take effect as of May 1, and replaces the legislation approved in 1995 that allows same-sex couples to form a union in Sweden via registered partnership. Couples who have registered partnership can keep that status or amend it by an application to the authorities or marry.

The changes will not affect church marriage ceremonies for the time being. A majority of bishops in the Church of Sweden in February said the church should no longer handle legal registrations of marriage.

Vegan /Vegetarian Catering directories

Lots to think about in Vegetarian catering - from wines to food to garnishes to "anchovy-free Worchester sauce" ...

Here are few resources: HappyCow It's a nice directory, but rather limited. If you know any vegan cooks or caterers, suggest they enquire about adding their profiles. You have to email the directory for details, so not sure if there is a cost for listing. Lots of CA, some Florida, and a Torontonian...

Veg.ca is a Canadian directory. Coded for Veggie/ Vegan, and localized.

Lots of UK sources, of course. Veggies.org is a place to start

NY: Gay parents allowed both names on birth certificates

Good news - and a ripple effect: Their Children’s Birth Certificates: The Next Fight in LGBT Equality Lisa Derrick Sunday March 29, 2009 6:10 am

This week New York City joined the rest of the state in allowing married lesbian couples to list both women as parents from when one of them gives birth, though the state itself does not yet perform same-sex marriages. In May Gov. David Paterson had ordered state agencies to respect out-of-state same-sex marriages saying that recent court ruling could subject agencies to discrimination claims; this was implemented in December. New York City keeps its own vital statistics separately from the state; the city's Board of Health voted unanimously to make the change.

This New York state law is having an effect elsewhere. A federal judge ruled March 19th that Louisiana has 15 days to add the names of both fathers to the birth certificate of a boy born in Shreveport and adopted by a gay couple from New York who now live in Southern California. The boy's parents, Oren Adar and Mickey Ray Smith, adopted their Louisiana-born son in New York state, and want both their names on his birth certificate. Louisiana law only allows one single person or a married couple to adopt, but U.S. District Judge Jay Zainey ruled in December that because the adoption became formal in New York, the Office of Vital Records must recognize that state's adoption law on the matter.

Vermont Senate panel approves gay marriage bill

MONTPELIER, Vt. – A state Senate committee unanimously approved a gay marriage bill on Friday, moving Vermont one step closer to allowing same-sex couples to legally wed.

"It provides ... gay and lesbian couples the same rights that I have as a married heterosexual," said Sen. John Campbell, vice chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee and chief sponsor of the bill. The measure would replace Vermont's first-in-the-nation civil unions law with one that allows marriage of same-sex partners beginning Sept. 1.

The committee's vote ended an intense week highlighted by a public hearing Wednesday night in which more than 500 people swarmed the Statehouse to speak for and against allowing same-sex marriages. If approved, Vermont would join Massachusetts and Connecticut as the only U.S. states that allow gays and lesbians to marry. Civil unions, which confer some rights similar to marriage, would still be recognized but no longer granted after Sept. 1.

Both Houses, under Democratic control, are expected to pass the measure. The Senate is taking the lead and is expected to debate the bill next week. Exemption would not extend to justices of the peace and other public officials who perform civil marriages but who might object to officiating at same-sex unions. Those people are agents of the government and are barred by law from discriminating based on sexual orientation, Campbell said.

Vermont in 2000 became the first state in the country to pass a civil unions law, which grants many of the rights and responsibilities of marriage to same-sex couples. But gay marriage advocates have argued since then that the law does not go far enough. California, New Jersey and New Hampshire also permit civil unions.

It's YOUR wedding: Family events vs Elopements

We often talk to couples who are discussing the size of their wedding - especially in challenging economic times. Many couples eventually opt for eloping (or a small private wedding) with the idea that they will have a larger celebration later. This is not a new idea, of course, as we pointed out in Get Married at Home, which discusses the concept of small family weddings. Many of our grandparents went to the county registry office or were married in the parlor, of course.

But the real question is not decisions about second cousins and invitations - it's whether you want your wedding to be a true elopement (no family present) or a private wedding(family or friends as witnesses, say under 10 people) or a family wedding, which is similar to any family event: enough friends and relatives to fit into your living room and backyard.

It's really about your relationship with your new spouse and your families, and it's not rocket science: If you are EMOTIONALLY CLOSE to your families - then find a way to involve them, if possible - on your terms, of course - whether it's in the actual ceremony, or some sort of celebration. And that is simply a logistical problem of distance, travel, health, work schedules, etc. The opportunity for your family members to be present as you form a NEW family is a unique event, and benefits all of you.

If your relationship with your relatives makes you at all uncomfortable, and you want your wedding to be personal and private - then simply make your own arrangements. And decide whether you're going to see everyone later en masse, at a party or informal event, (at your own new home, on neutral ground at an event space, or at someone else's house) or whether you'll go visiting, or however you decide to present your new status.

If your family lives close by, you may consider having a private elopement ceremony and a 'welcome home' reception. That's what my great-grandmother did - their best friends were their witnesses at the courthouse, and her mother stayed home and set up the reception. If your family is very close, they may want to attend the actual ceremony and be your witnesses (or take pictures), even at the courthouse or in the park.

Many couples are concerned about parents "taking over" their special day. It happens! But parents want to be needed, as much as anyone else. Keep your plans firmly in your own hands - including the ceremony, the guests, the amenities (it's YOUR wedding!) but do try to find things to ask them - it acknowledges their importance in your lives, and encourages their future support. A wedding is one day in your life, private or public - a marriage is a family event by it's nature. And whether you have a romantic private wedding or a family picnic in a park, do find some way to acknowledge and include your present (and new) relatives in your changed state - there are many life events ahead of you as a new couple, and your family will be involved in some degree in those events to come.

Obama Reverses U.S. Position on LGBT Issues at the UN

UN DISPATCH

In late December the United Nations General Assembly held a symbolic vote on a statement calling for the universal decriminalization of homosexuality. France spearheaded the resolution, which was a 13 point declaration "to ensure that sexual orientation or gender identity may under no circumstances be the basis for criminal penalties, in particular executions, arrests or detention." The statement received 60 votes in support, mostly from Europe and South America. Opposing the resolution, were the United States, the Holy See, and members of the Organization of the Islamic Conference. At the time, the Bush administration couched its objection to the measure in legal technicalities.

Well, that was then. This is now: At the so-called "Durban Review Conference" on racism and xenophonia underway in Geneva, Europe again put forward language condemning “all forms of discrimination and all other human rights violations based on sexual orientation.” According to UN Watch, "The Czech Republic on behalf of the E.U., with the support of New Zealand, the United States, Colombia, Chili on behalf of the South American states, the Netherlands, Argentina and a few others, took the floor in support." The efforts to include language on discrimination based on sexual orientation ended up failing for lack of support from non-western countries. Still, it's relieving to see that the United States is now back on the side of the enlightened on this issue of basic human rights.

Vermont introduces same-sex bill

Vermont Moves Closer to Legalizing Gay Marriage

MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) -- Nine years after becoming the first state to permit civil unions, Vermont moved a step toward legalizing gay marriage Friday.

A bill that would allow same-sex unions was introduced in the Legislature, causing a crowd of about several hundred supporters to gather at the Statehouse in celebration.

"This really is a great day and a part of moving forward to a time when all Vermont couples will be treated equally under our laws,"said a sponsor, Rep. Mark Larson.
A similar bill is expected to be introduced later in the state Senate.

The House legislation has 59 sponsors, none of them Republican, though some GOP lawmakers have said they'll vote for the bill, Larson said. "I know that there's broad support in the House," he said.

Feb 2 is St. Bride's Day

Feb 2 is the Feast of St. Brigid (Secondary Patron of Ireland) and Lá Feabhra - the first day of Spring. Brigit, seen here as a 'female smith', was one of the great Triple Goddesses of the Celts. She appeared as Brigit to the Irish, Brigantia in Northern England, Bride in Scotland, and Brigandu in Brittany. Brigid also aids any woman about to be married or handfasted and the woman is called “bride” in her honor. The sun is unlucky on Feb 2, and the Irish look for foul weather on Imbolc/St Brigids, because good weather means that the hag goddess, Cailleach, is looking to gather a lot of fire wood, meaning that she knows winter will last a lot longer. This may be will the idea of the groundhog and his shadow comes from.

Feb 2 is also known as Candlemas, Imbolc, Oimelc, Brigid's Day, Groundhogs Day. It is a pre-agricultural solar festival and one of the four great Celtic Holidays, which are Feb 1 (Imbolc), May 1 (Beltaine), August 1 (Lammas/Lugnasad), Nov 1 (Samhain Or Halloween). These are "quarter days" - falling halfway between the Solstices and Equinoxes. Feb 1 is a "female fire festival", as Halloween is a 'male' fire festival. At a number of megalithic and neolithic sites in Ireland, the inner chamber of the passage tombs are perfectly aligned with the rising sun on both Imbolc and Samhain. Similar to the phenomena seen at Newgrange, the rising Imbolc sun shines down the long passageway and illuminates the inner chamber of the tomb.Imolc is a (pronounced "Im-melk") probably means "in milk" - meaning pregnant sheep will begin to lactate, as lambs will be born in March. As a former sheep-farmer, it makes perfect sense as a holiday marker, as those animals which survived the winter will produce new life, and the sun will come back, and we will survive another year. I well remember long cold winter nights when Richard slept in the barn with the lambing ewes, and how exciting it was in the darkness of winter when the new lambs arrived. It's too early for the cows to be in calf, and ewes milk is a fresh source of food (and cheese) in the dark winter.

Children in Weddings

Of course you can include your children - whether they are young, or old enough to hold the rings and be part of the ceremony. Always ask your officiant for creative ways to add children to a ceremony. We have had them pour sand and water, present the rings, receive wedding necklaces and tokens from parents, sing songs, read passages - etc. This little cheery toddler has 'presented' the rings to his parents, in Tompkins Square Park in NYC.

Zero Footprint Weddings

Leaving no trace of your wedding is an impressive goal.

Work backwards. Imagine the wedding location bare and empty, and then see what you can use that will achieve this goal. Here are some ideas:

Use natural backdrops (woods, light, greenery, birds) and arrange the ceremony so people can see the outside (if you are inside) or of course use a natural setting. You don't need those arches and canopies and fake pergolas. You can also use living greenery as decoration, and replant it afterwards. Don't use tropical plants.

We performed a wedding once with 100 candles, when the power failed. Consider candlepower (up to you whether you choose vegan candles, beeswax, petroleum, etc.). People look much prettier in soft light.

Room temperature food doesn't require a kitchen. Check with a professional chef for safety of buffet foods, but you can arrange a meal that doesn't require heavy refrigeration or heat. Bambu plates (isn't that a trademark, now?) seem to be the eco-rage at present. I prefer china or glass, and big tubs to take the dirty plates home to wash.

Live acoustic music. (OK, or windup radios). Most people will have digital cameras, but consider a REAL artist to do sketches! Or a silhouette cutter.

Have recycle bins ready for any waste or compost. Be ready to take left-over food and flowers to a designated charity.

Walk, bicycle -- hire pedicabs for the elderly. Or horses. Live lightly, and have fun.

Ethical readings, gay marriage rights

Another common wedding reading is from the Universal Declaration of Human Rights:

"All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.

Article 2: Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status...

Article 16: Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution".

Of course you may interpret Article 16 to mean same-sex marriage, if you wish. A historic declaration was launched at the 60th anniversary of the UDHR at the UN in December 2009 to de-criminalize homosexuality. Co-sponsored by France and the Netherlands, the declaration was signed by all 27 European Union members, as well as Japan, Australia, Mexico and three dozen other countries. 66 of the U.N.'s 192 member countries signed the nonbinding declaration, which backers called a historic step to push the General Assembly to deal more forthrightly with anti-gay discrimination. There was broad opposition from Muslim nations, and the Vatican, and the United States refused to sign,

The Dutch foreign affairs minister, Maxime Verhagen, said countries that endorsed the 1948 document had no right to carve out exceptions based on religion or culture that allowed discrimination against gays. "Human rights apply to all people in all places at all times," he said. "I will not accept any excuse."

NJ getting closer to marriage rights

"NJ is a lot of things to a lot of people. It's socially progressive and is one step closer to recognizing the rights of same-sex couples to get married. (Reuters)

In a report that could lead to New Jersey legalizing gay marriage, the Civil Union Review Commission said same-sex couples cannot achieve equality with heterosexual couples if their legal status is restricted to civil unions.

"Full marriage is the only way to meet a state constitutional requirement for equality", said the 13-member panel of public officials, clergy, lawyers and same-sex marriage advocates.

The panel was picked by the governor, other state officials and state agencies and charged with evaluating New Jersey's civil union law and making a recommendation. Its recommendation was unanimous.