This is a guide to planning thoughtful, ethical wedding, baby-naming, coming-of-age, funeral, or other commemorative ceremonies, written by members of Humanist and Ethical Organizations. We offer ideas on planning your ceremony, and creating a simple, responsible meaningful event.

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Friday

Legal Wedding Ceremony (Non-religious, secular, civil, barebones)

For hundreds (thousands) of years, marriage 'ceremonies' or ceremonial contracts were non-religious. They primarily involved contracts between families, and did not involve clergy or the law. An interesting exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art this year, Art and Love in Renaissance Italy depicts love and marriage in Renaissance Florence. Most of the events depicted are civil only - and many do not even involve a notary or judge, as such roles are modern civil servants. A marriage contract was signed (often by the fathers first) and then by the couple, and by the 18th century, drawn up by a lawyer, but the marriage itself was sealed when the couple shook hands, so the symbol of marriage was two clasped hands - the FIDES, which is also seen on the Irish Claddagh ring. (The picture shows a 15th Italian plate with the FIDES handclasp motif from the Met exhibit) Only the rich could afford a church or cathedral wedding - or pay to invite a priest come and offer prayers at the wedding feast, and it seems to have been totally optional.

The parts of a wedding that matter legally are thus the contractual parts - and if you are looking for a basis to form your LEGAL CEREMONY, independent of any religious bits, here are the basic parts, usually led by the Officiant:

Who are each of you? (full names, known to those present). This avoids the blushing bride hidden under the veil who turns out to be someone else, and the proxy marriage, and all sorts of legal dupes.
* State this is a legal Marriage Contract signing (not just a betrothal or a spiritual marriage or a sham marriage)
* Do those present recognize this couple? Are you willing to attest that they ARE who they ARE, and that you do not know any reason they should not be married? (This is one of the roles of the witnesses)
* To each: are you here of your own free will? Are you willing to marry this specific person? (note that the Universal Declaration of Human Rights guarantees the Right to Marry WHEN you wish, and WHOM you wish, so this question covers trafficking, underage brides, and all sorts of human rights abuses. We are fortunate we can ask and answer this question)
* Vows: Speak to each other, and declare in front of us witnesses that you take the other person for your legal spouse.  (Once again - you are speaking for yourself, and no one else is making you do this)

* Rings: totally optional. Rings are modern substitute for a dowry, and used to be given only to the bride, as attestation that the husband would support her, a middle class custom not practiced by the poor. Now they are seen as an outward symbol of the verbal vows.
* Signing of contract/license
* Kiss - not legally required (in some traditions, the kiss is the 'consummation', and the 'exchange of souls', but it is also a modern stand-in for the wedding night. Of course 'non-consummation' is still grounds for annulment in some places)
* The presentation of the couple. This is the 'village recognition' part - Miss Pepsi and Mr. Cola are now Mr and Mrs Pepsi-Cola, (or Mr and Mr Pepsi, in some enlightened places) and we will all recognize that they are a legal couple (parents and previous lovers take note!) they live in that hut over there, and they are a village unit. Hurrah. Let's eat.

If you want to have a legal ceremony, perhaps because you are having a spiritual ceremony at another time, you can follow the above steps, and do a little personalization. Here is a 'barebones' ceremony which includes these steps in the US. Here is another similar legal ceremony in Canada.. Here is another discussion of steps for a 'legal' ceremony

So be adventurous, you might enjoy adding the FIDES, and a little Renaissance Poetry and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights to your wedding ceremony.